I’m BAAAAAAAACK!!

Hey remember me? I probably win the award for the most absent among all of the tendaters. Well, here I am, back in the US, and I just spent about an hour catching up on reading all of the tendates exploits I missed while I was away.

I have to say that while living in Rome was a wonderful experience in terms of my archi-education, and in terms of gaining personal perspective, I wasn’t really focused on meeting any men while I was there. I was approached by, pinched by, and unwillingly fondled/pawed by men, but did not “date” any. For some reason, I just felt as though I wasn’t there for that.

So, here’s the update on my dating situation (and I use the term “dating” very loosely here folks). The thing is that I’ve kinda broken one of the rules of tendates. I’ve been seeing/talking to/been on a date with my ex. THE ex.
Okay, okay, okay… now before you get all judgmental on me, let me explain the situation, and feel free to post advice when the tale has been told, as I’m sure I need it.

Here’s the story. (You may want to make yourself comfortable, because this could be a long one…)

Even before all of this tendates stuff even began, roughly 2 months prior to our little pact, I was talking very seriously with my ex about THE FUTURE. Background: We started dating when we were 17 years old. Yes. 17. We were together for 3 years or so, and then spent another 2-3 breaking up and getting back together. This was about 5 or 6 years ago now.

We kinda got separated by life… we needed to live our own lives, and needed to become our own people. We were young. It was inevitable that we should find out what else, or who else was out there. We’ve both moved around, lived in different cities, and dated different people. But even during the years we were completely broken up, when we’d see each other we’d still admit to having feelings for one another, and I’d hate hearing when he was with someone else. He lives out in Cali now, goes to school out there now, and we’ve always been in contact.

I don’t exactly even remember how the recent conversations started… It was mid February… I think he had just broken up with someone, and maybe not feeling to good about it, and I was there to talk to? Regardless, we somehow started talking about how we still loved each other, and about how great it would be to give the whole relationship another try sometime in the future.
Truth be told, he’s been the only person that I’ve ever been completely in love with, and the only person I ever seriously saw myself marrying. And, believe me, it wasn’t for a lack of looking, or dating, or trying with other men.
So throughout March and April we talked about what would happen when we both finished with our Masters programs, we talked about moving to be with one another, and we talked every day or sometimes twice a day for 2 months. And I was happy. There were parts of me that honestly hoped for another chance to be with him because I believed that we still had unresolved feelings for one another even after all of these years. I was really happy.

And then sometime during the stress of my architecture finals at the end of April, I started to wonder what it was that we were doing exactly. We’d developed this quasi-long distance relationship based completely on fantasies of an idea of the future… and it occurred to me that I was getting emotionally caught up in something that I wasn’t sure that I should be.
So, I asked him about it. And our conversation about the realities of our situation wasn’t pleasant. We talked about this coming year during which I have to be in NY finishing school and he has to be out in CA finishing school, and the seeming impossibility of continuing a telephone relationship for a year. So, disheartened by the whole situation, we agreed to stop our conversations about the future and just be friends. I don’t think I have to tell you how upsetting this option was for me, but it seemed to be the only viable solution. The whole thing felt completely and utterly hopeless.

And then I promptly had a party, where the idea of tendates was born, and after which I hooked up with that archi-school guy (read post prior).

And then I went to Italy. It is incredible how traveling gives much needed perspective. About a week into my being there, I was having crazy dreams. I guess it was my subconscious working through some things since I finally had down time. I thought about him a lot, and about the whole situation. I realized how happy I was when we were together in our own way the months we were talking. I missed him. I talked about him with my friends. I called him from Rome several times.

The day after I returned from Italy he flew in from CA for several days for his birthday and for the 4th of July, and we spent almost the whole time together. Although things aren’t completely resolved, per say, I did admit that I still want to try to fly out to see him as much as possible over this next year, and that I did want to try and be in the same city (pending employment) after school was finally over in May 2006. Because as insane as it all is, after 11 years of knowing each other, we still love each other. And that means something.

So, my plan for the next year? I guess I’m going to be sure that my long distance plan is good, and I’m going to set aside money for a couple of trips out to San Diego. After that, we’ll see what happens. We haven’t made any promises of commitment. I guess it’s going to be life as usual, with an idea of happily ever after in the future?

So, I guess I’m unsure as to what happens to me now in this tendates arena. I don’t technically have a boyfriend, but I don’t think that I’m emotionally available to seriously date anyone right now either? So, do I go out on the tendates, and finish what I started just to give dating one last college try? Or do I bow out here? I could use a little feedback and/or guidance here…

Whew. That was a lot of writing.
If you’ve read this far, you should win something. ;)

The End.

yes, i'm still here

i know it seems like jodi and josh are doing most of the representing, well, all of the representing. the new job(s) have taken away most of my hopes of maintaining any sort of social life.

also, according to the little navigation bar over there on the right - one night stands don't count as dates. so i got nothing. of course, if you prod me hard enough (heh. dirty!) i might just tell you the tale anyway.

"So, are you dating anyone?"

What’s worse?

Feeling like a loser because you didn’t have a date this weekend

or

Feeling like a loser after you had a first date this weekend


I don't know if you knew this but I've been on a few dates lately – some good, some bad, and a few ugly. Yeah, I'm a little sick of dating - def. finding myself less interested in dating then I was a month ago. Maybe its because I haven't really met anybody lately (or made an effort to meet anyone). So while I try and meet new people I came up with a few questions and thoughts to ponder/amuse yourself with while I look for more unsuspecting New Yorkers to date (and ultimately give me a complex):

Is it me or is Rachel Ray the shittiest tipper on television?

Am I the only person who feels like slapping the Upper East Side bastard in the backwards hat who says things like “Dude, PBR is only $2. Sweet!” or “Check out my velour pants. They’re the bomb!” or “Brother Jimmy’s rules!”

Do you ever think about the families on Extreme Home Makeover and how their property taxes will undoubtedly go through the roof once their renovations are complete? Oh, you don’t? What’s that? You’re moved by the inspirational tone of the show and its ability to lift people out of dire straits and provide them with a once in a lifetime opportunity? So you don’t wonder if they had the proper permits?

Why are you not allowed to take pictures on the subway?

Does Sex and the City remind you of The Golden Girls?

Have you ever been on a date with your girlfriend/boyfriend when they announce that they’re moving to Israel in 2 months to study at a Yeshiva and that in the meantime they’d like to be Shomer Negiah (no sex with, touching, kissing, or hugging of the opposite sex until your married)?

#2 with #3 (That just sounds so dirty)

Date #6: The Second Date with Date #3

The Location: A restaurant on the UWS

The Food: We started with a chipotle poached gulf shrimp, mango, and avocado salad with a passion fruit vinaigrette. For our entrees we had the asparagus ravioli in a basil and garlic infused oil and the sesame crusted big-eyed tuna steak (lightly seared of course) served over soba noodles. One word -- delish.

Drinks: Sangria and Heineken.

Is it possible to have an off night? I feel like I did. I was looking forward to this date and left feeling like I dropped the ball. I know that I’m not really good on the dinner date as a first or second date. I do much better in smaller more intimate settings at first (i.e. the dark moody lounge or the wine bar). Which begs the question; if I knew all of this why did I jump to the dinner date so early?

Fit But You Know It

See I reckon you're about an 8 or a 9,
Maybe even 9 and a half in four beers time.
That blue top shop top you've got on IS nice,
Bit too much fake tan though - but yeah you score high.

But there’s just one little thing that really really,
Really really annoying me about you you see,
Yeah yeah like I said you are really fit
But my gosh don't you just know it

-- The Streets

Date #5: NYC's Most Vapid

The Location: A tragically hip spot in a neighborhood that was once seedy but is now filled with what looks like extras from an episode of Sex and the City.

The Date: A 20 something actor/model/dancer/singer wannabe who does not know about the site. This was a J Date.

Tonight’s date…well…I won’t even bother with details but here are the “highlights”:

• My dates was either coked up or suffering from a Trim Spa addiction when she showed up
• Daddy pays her rent/bills/expenses so she can pursue her acting/modeling/dancing/singing career
• She has yet to get a gig in any of the above mentioned mediums
• She oesn’t like to read books because she’s not a “literary kind of person”
• Honestly believes that Lindsay Lohan will one day win an Oscar
• Is sad about Nick and Jessica’s impending breakup
• Didn’t believe me when I told her that I don’t have cable
• Wanted to vote for Bush but wasn’t sure when election day was (I’m not kidding)
• Admitted to using J Date for the free meals and drinks because “I’m totally hot and boys just like buying me stuff.”
• Answered her cell phone 3 times during our date
• Is embarrassed by other Jewish people because they “draw attention to themselves”
• Elaborated further by explaining that “people can be too Jewish and that it’s really annoying.”
• Spends her weekends in the Hamptons in a house with 40 other people
• Wondered what I did for fun in college because I wasn’t in a fraternity
• Dropped the N-Bomb when describing African-Americans

After the N-Bomb I felt so utterly disgusted that I excused myself to use the bathroom so that I could splash some cold water on my face (hopefully waking me up from this nightmare). On my way out of the men’s room I looked across the restaurant and noticed that she was on her cell phone again. At that moment I thought to myself, “What the hell am I still doing here?” Since I couldn’t think of anything to keep me there I left. That’s right, I walked out and went home. I totally bailed on my date and stuck her with the bill. And no, I don’t feel bad about it.

Fuck you J Date, I’m officially canceling my subscription.

Ciao!

Ciao from Rome!!!
Just some quick broad generalizations about the differences between the men here in Rome, and the men back home in the States.
Roman men like blonde women, think American girls will put out, and tend to be much more forward in begining conversation with women they wish to get to know. Therefore, I've been here for 9 days, and have seemingly been approached by more men here than I had in the States all of last year. This is not to say that I've had any dates... just that I've been entertained a whole lot. We'll see if any dates actually happen- right now most meetings fall in the "group hang" category.
I'll keep everyone posted though. I'm having a friggin great time thus far. :)

The Fix Up

Josh’s Date #4: The friend of the friend

The Place: Central Park
The Date: One of my closest friends sisters friend (does that make sense?) who doesn’t know about the site

Ah, the fix up. These have the potential to be either really great or go so horribly fucking wrong that you begin to question your friend's sanity for fixing you up with a complete mutant.

I've been on a few fix ups and they have all been bad. I only say bad because none of them ever turned into a 2nd date and I have the tendency to only remember the strange and awful fix ups -- everything from the bored date who made the impression that they were just going out with me as a favor to a friend or the one time I went out with a modern orthodox women in college who asked me if I would become more religious if we were to get married.

Slightly apprehensive about the idea of the fix-up I went along with it mostly because I really respect my friend’s opinion. I would also like to point out that I was completely flattered that both my friend and her sister would think of me when fixing me up with someone so very close to them.

I was told to email a few pictures to my friend so she could send them over to their friend. This made me nervous -- mostly because I don’t photograph well. I have no explanation as to why this is (my buddy E.B. thinks I do it on purpose). Pictures of one another were exchanged over the Internet and emailing ensued.

After a week or two of emailing we finally made plans (we both have crazy schedules with work and grad school). It was a beautiful day out so we decided to just take a stroll through Central Park. I have to say that I really appreciate the untraditional dates -- the walk in the park, the museum, or mechanical bull riding in a cowboy bar. After our walk we had some really amazing ice cream at a place near her apartment.

Bottom line: Cool Chiquita -- she's smart, funny, well traveled, beautiful. I would totally like to see her again.

BTW -- It was also great to go out on a date with someone who has worked in a non-profit organization. When I tell people that I work for a nonprofit organization they usually just dismiss it as just another job but to me it's more than just a job -- I believe in what I do and am moved everyday by the people I work with and the work that we do. As a former nonprofit worker my date understood that - which was very cool.


Wow, things are definitely looking up. . .