The Hitchhikers' Guide to Dating

Total disclosure? I couldn't find a date if it hit me on the head. So when I was approached with the opportunity to go on a "set-up" with a friend of a friend I said to myself, 'Well now, here's my chance, alright I'm in!' I mean a set-up, while awkward, isn't nearly as awkward as a blind date because at least there are other people to buffer the meeting. Now for those of you who are also of the homosexual persuasion I'm sure you're well aware of what the mathematicians call "The Rule of the 2nd Gay". The equation works like this, a straight friend sees you - the single gay - and wants to set you up with his/her other friend - the 2nd gay. Why? Because you're gay and they're gay and so obviously the two of you are perfect for each other. Who's been there with me on this?

So, it was of almost great surprise when LjB approached me with the idea of setting me up with her roommate's friend - An editor for a high profile publishing company with a graduate degree and a good sense of humor who apparently is also quite attractive. Now this sounded like someone who actually might be good for me and also a lesbian! (For those of you readers who know me, need I remind you about my history with the straight women?). Sadly, this was one of those occasions where the paper and the reality didn't match up.

While it is generally our duty to recap dates, this wasn't one, so I'm not going to. But I will say this, the woman was nice enough, friendly (if not shy) and somewhat attractive. Chemistry? Not a lick. She doesn't have cable, Masterpiece Theater is her favorite show, she declares herself an existentialist ( I thought only freshmen in college did that) and also a luddite. Wow. Couldn't get much more different from my interests if you tried. There was a brief glimmer of hope when, three grey goose and tonics in, she mentioned that she went to Catholic School and my mind was a swimming with images of short plaid skirts, but it was shattered quite quickly by her then ensuing rant against all religions, followed by a paltry "But I respect other people's spirituality." Tolerance is something you should always bring with you on a set-up, group-hang, first date. I'm just saying.

Needless to say, there will not be a first date. And I'm still (as a friend put it so eloquently the other day) fully date-lame. Maybe when walking home from work today someone'll fall out of the sky. Also, If you've got an old copy of the Hitchhikers' Guide to Dating and want to pass it along that'd be great. Lord knows I could use it.